just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
this hospital has no fireball
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
