haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
