well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
