it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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