roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
