i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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