maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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