Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
