He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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