I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
