I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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