If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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