My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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