If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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