another moral hangover. fuck.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
