my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
