Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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