i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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