I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
