Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
