I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
