Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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