If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
