dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
