you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
