the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
