I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
