All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
