You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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