My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
