super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
