It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
