DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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