I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
