We're facebook friends in real life
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
