Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
