I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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