Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
