Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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