I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
