You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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