Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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