How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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