Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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