So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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