I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
