I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
