they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
