I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
