What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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