Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
