Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
