I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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