garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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