Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
