You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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