I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
