Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
