you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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