Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
