I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
