oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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