You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
