K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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