it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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