masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
