note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
