oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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