Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
