Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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