if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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