I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
only if we run a train.
done.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
