oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
